PARIS HILTON IS UNDER ARREST

Paris Hilton was arrested early Thursday for driving under the influence of alcohol.  Hilton was pulled over in Hollywood while driving home in her Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren.  A police spokesman said:

"The officers observed that Hilton exhibited the symptoms of intoxication. A field sobriety test was conducted at scene, and the officers determined she was driving under the influence.”

Hilton was booked on suspicion of misdemeanor DUI and released.  Elliot Mintz, a spokesman for Hilton, said police detected a 0.08 blood-alcohol level, the minimum to warrant an arrest.  Mintz says she was driving home from a charity event where she had just one drink, a margarita.  Hilton says the real reason she was driving erratically was because she had been working for almost 24 hours straight and hadn’t had anything to eat all day.  Mintz says:

"She didn't appear in the least bit to be intoxicated… (they symptoms) were probably the result of an empty stomach and working all day and being fatigued."

A spokesman for the Hollywood police department says Hilton was not given special treatment, even though her booking photo will not be released and she was not held for the minimum of three hours.  Hilton was released just 90 minutes after being arrested when her sister Nikki, Nikkis boyfriend Kevin Connolly and Mintz arrived to pick her up.  And thank god too.  I was worried to death that Paris might actually have to live like the rest of us for one day, in a world where the rules applied to her.  But thanks to the star struck dupes of the Hollywood police department, that’s not gonna be a problem.  She’ll be back on the streets in no time, drunk and weaving through traffic in a half million dollar V12 Mercedes that is basically a race car.  Why not give her a gun too.  Or build her one of those Imperial Walkers like in Empire Strikes Back.